Jesus Unicorn

Anonymous asked: Is the power of a Unicorn horn measured by its width or its length?

It remains unclear why width matters in this case; we find the ability to scratch one’s leg with the horn deeply desirable. Thus, we prefer length.

Anonymous asked: I want to change the name of my Unicorn. How long do I wait between when I tell the Unicorn and when I tell my friends.

fabulous question. generally we’d say to wait two weeks before changing the name of your unicorn and telling your friends because unicorns aren’t that smart, so you’ll probably need to retrain yours. and, as a matter of taste, make sure your unicorn fully understands all of his (or her!) commands before telling your friends. You don’t want that flippin’ thing freaking out and stabbing up all your homies.

if your unicorn has died, and you’re getting yourself a new unicorn there’s no waiting period. but please - don’t give your new unicorn the name of your old unicorn that’s just messed up.

Anonymous asked: How many tennis balls will fit in this room?

Am I allowed to use scissors?

OMG.

archiemcphee:

This is awesome! French photographer Jean-Yves Lemoigne has created a photo series about Secret Unicorns! Urban Legends is a melancholy series depicting the lives of homeless people, so often invisible to the public eye, as an urban legend that we don’t see or know anymore, much like the mythical unicorn. More information, photos, and video can be found on Lemoigne’s website.

[via Whitezine]

Anonymous asked: Are you more Jesus, or more unicorn?

It depends. Am I travelling through space? If yes, I’ll be inside my horn. 

Anonymous asked: What is the most recent miracle the Jesus Unicorn has performed?

Introducing the latest guest post from my sister’s best friend:

Have you ever had one of those dreams, where you’re naked and covered in popcorn? No? Neither have I.

So the other morning, it was just like any other morning… you know the kind. You wake up tired from the night before. Your lipstick is still on, but now it’s like totally covering the pillow and the part of your face where your lower lip touches your lost modesty.

Anyway, so I was just like at the bar, and it was no big deal this guy bought me some drinks and we decided to go outside for a pony ride. In Unicorn world, pony rides are like code speak for a totally hot make out sesh.